Frozen Lilies
by DewWater
Summary: [LJS] Severus Snape loved Lily Evans: he loves her, and he will love her until the day he dies.


**A/N: Okay, this is my first HP fiction, so if it seems a bit…off…then that's why. Anyways, reviews are appreciated, especially those with nice, thoughtful, positive feedback, but flames are fine too. Just be honest, lol.**

**This is meant to be…angsty…ish…-cough-, but as I stink at writing angst just because I do, this might end up being really weird and seem like it was written while I was high on sugar.**

**Without further rambling, here is...the fiction! **

**-**

_Frozen Lilies_

_**-**_

_I drown in a dark pool of remorse_

_Are those your eyes I see?_

_You've abandoned me in this cruel world_

_Alone, tormented by the memory_

_Of a time when your smile was still warm._

**--------**

He remembers when he first decided that he loved her.

They were young, naïve, and very small back then…things had been so simple. If he loved her, why, then he should have her: it was the simple truth. He did not see any reason why this should not be the case.

She was sweet-natured, caring, prone to a temper, intelligent, clever, witty, brave, understanding, and brimming full of love: all of the things that he himself was not. He found this as a perfect reason for her to be his: she filled in all the empty gaps in him, where all of the compassion and patience should have been but instead, was just empty.

If he were to put it in a romantic manner, then he might say that she completed him: but then again, Severus Snape had never been much of a romantic.

---------

"Evans! Oy!"

Lily Evans whirled with her bright, neon green eyes narrowed in suspicion, her right hand clenched into an agitated fist. "What do you want, Potter?" she said coldly, glaring, her chin up proudly.

James Potter grinned at her, a grin that might have made other girls swoon, but only made Lily glare at him with even more venom. He ran his hand through his already tussled black hair, fancying that it might make him seem like he had just finished doing a few laps around the Quiditch field.

"There's a visit to Hogsmeade this Wednesday."

Lily promptly turned away from him and continued walking down the hallway without another word.

James didn't seem bothered by her obvious rejection. He trotted along beside her dutifully, still grinning cockily. "You want to go with me?"

Lily stopped abruptly, her green eyes blazing with annoyance. "Of course, just as soon as Hell freezes over."

James didn't seem affected. He shrugged. "One of these days, Evans, I swear, you'll be so madly in love with me that—"

Lily shoved past him haughtily, and James chortled, shaking his head, and he too turned to walk down the hallway, the opposite direction, towards the dungeons for Potions.

Severus Snape, unnoticed by either of them, came out from behind the stone column he had been standing behind, a slight smile lifting his thin lips.

----------

"_I don't need your help, Mudblood!"_

_Lily's green eyes reflected the shock of his remark, and then they widened slightly in hurt. She faltered, tucking a strand of flyaway red hair behind her ear. The hurt changed to anger within a few seconds._

_He could tell that he had lost her. He had always been able to tell everything about Lily: when she was angry and would forgive, and when things would never be the same again._

_He didn't think he had ever felt more regret in his life._

------------

"Lily…"

James prided himself on having one of the largest egos in the school. Of course, Sirius Black might rival his, but Sirius was his best mate, so it didn't threaten him. However, Lily Evans was the one thing, (or person…), that could ever have brought his ego, (and pride), to the floor, wounded, with a few smarting words.

At this moment, she turned to look at him, the knee-jerk reaction of having one's name called. She sighed in exasperation. "Look, James, I am _not_ going to go out with you!"

She'd called him by his first name! Score! He grinned cheekily.

"Why not, exactly?"

"Because you are a big-headed, jerkish, annoying, full-of-yourself _toerag_," Lily said contemptuously.

"Ouch," said James matter-of-factly. "That hurt my feelings," He made his best puppy pout face at her. She rolled her eyes.

"You disgust me."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really? I thought Sirius was the one that disgusted you."

"Ah, you're right. You're _worse_ than he is. You make me _sick_," she said sarcastically. "You with your inflated ego and Quiditch obsession and posse made of up people like _Sirius Black…_you know what? I think I hate everything about you," she said as if musing about the weather, "right down to those hazel eyes of yours."

"Do you like hazel eyes?" said James.

Lily opened her mouth to retort, but instead flushed mysteriously all the way up to her hairline. "N-no," she stuttered, reddening some more.

James grinned. "What's this? _The_ Lily Evans is blushing…because of _me_, James Potter, the 'toerag'?" He made little air quotes.

Lily shoved him in the shoulder and whirled on her heel. "Leave me alone. I'm late already," she muttered.

And James Potter decided that she had just made his day.

-----------

"_You know, I'm not going to just let you sleep here," said the Fat Lady._

_The greasy black-haired boy ignored her, staring determinedly at the patch of floor underneath the Fat Lady's picture, as if determining whether it would be softer than the surrounding flooring._

_The Fat Lady sighed, knowing a lost cause when she saw one._

"_Boys," she sighed again, closing her eyes for a nap. _

_The portrait door opened, and a red-haired girl stepped out of it, looking cross, determined, and dressed in her nightgown._

------------

"You know, I have no idea why I agreed to this," Lily mused, as she and James walked down the snow-covered main street of Hogsmeade, other Hogwarts students swarming around them.

She wiggled her fingers, which were in James' grasp, and he intertwined their hands a little more securely.

"Yes, well, I'm feeling a bit relieved," James said conversationally.

"Relieved?" Lily questioned, curious.

"Yeah. I was afraid I'd be asking you out until I was an old man," James chuckled. "I'm glad you actually said yes before we graduated. Honestly. I thought you were a lost cause."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I doubt that you, even though you are _amazingly _stubborn, would have kept trying to woo me beyond seventh year."

James looked at her seriously. "I would have."

"I doubt it," Lily repeated, laughing.

"Well, I would have bet you on it, but since you've already said yes, that would be a bit pointless," James admitted.

Lily smiled at him. "Yes, I suppose it would be."

-----------

"_Please, My Lord…"_

"_Silence!" That hissing voice demanded obedience, and he fell quiet. "Lord Voldemort does not grant his subordinates personal favors…" The red eyes narrowed. "If she were pureblood, perhaps I might regret killing her…But she is a mudblood, and she is a mere woman, Severus…surely _you_ of all people realize that?"_

_The hook-nosed man kneeling at Voldemort's feet remained silent and still, though he had clenched his fists when the word "mudblood" was spoken, his black eyes as unreadable as an onyx stone._

"_Yes," he said at last, very slowly, as if the words pained him. "Yes, I agree…there will be others if she is…gone."_

-------------

"_Lily, take Harry and run! I'll hold him off!"_

_Lily Evans took her son into her arms, tears streaming from her frantic green eyes. "James-"_

"_Go!" her husband ordered._

_A flash of green light…The thud of something heavy hitting the floor…the brush of black robes gliding across the floor…_

_The red-haired woman bit back a wild sob of grief for her husband, for he must surely be dead; of fear for her son…_

"_Step aside."_

_She shook her head wildly. "Please, not Harry…kill me instead…!"_

_Lord Voldemort's red eyes looked into her green ones, his lips twisted into a cruel, ironic smile. In a moment of panic, an image of Severus Snape came to her mind. Betrayal hammered in her chest._

_A flash of green light, and then she saw no more._

-------------

"_For _him?!"

_Memories, long buried, rushed through his head, and an old, burning grief exploded tenfold in his chest. In his fury, he leapt up, and the silver doe erupted out of the end of his wand…it still caused him so much pain every time he saw it…_

"_After all this time?" Dumbledore asked gravely, his blue eyes sorrowful._

"_Always," the black-haired man murmured reverently, almost as if it were a promise._

---------------

Lilies.

Purple and white, ever gracefully blooming on the tops of the rounded green pads, floating carefree over the lake.

Severus Snape had never been a romantic.

His black eyes stared at nothing as he stood with only a thin cloak over his black robes on the bank of the lake, the sharp, chilling wind tossing his greasy black hair around his face. The lines on his face seemed deep and the purple circles under his eyes prominent.

Wordlessly, he bent slightly until his fingertips brushed against the silky petal of one of the flowers, scooping it up after it came lose to his touch.

His fingers clenched around it, his breathing fast and uneven.

---------------

_He was being torn apart into a thousand pieces…His chest ached with a longing like fierce fire, lapping at his body, consuming his mind._

_He couldn't just go on like this. Tears trickled down his face, his fingers clenched around the letter that he had found bearing Lily's signature…_

_Severus Snape was losing himself, and his love for a dead woman was to blame._

----------------

Nagini's fangs sank deep into his neck.

His eyes widened with pain, a gasp and then a scream escaping his throat, blood pouring down his neck. He struggled in vain against the huge power of the snake, and in vain.

He fell to his knees and collapsed, the snake leaving him, hissing…

Somebody was kneeling by him. He was conscious enough to know who it was.

"Look…at…me…"

His hand reached up, feeble, and how weak…to seize the front of the boy's robes. Green eyes. Almond shaped, wide green eyes…a twisted sort of happiness rose in his chest. He would be seeing her again soon. The realization was something that made him feel strange, almost giddy, as if he were a young boy again and free of this heavy burden resting on his chest.

His fingers slackened their grip on the boy's collar. Blackness closed in, enveloping him…and after so, so long, Severus Snape thought that he at last knew what happiness was again.

-----------------

_Lily…Lily, I love you._

------------------

**A/N: Oh my **_**God**_**, that turned out more sad than I originally intended! –is stunned- Well, I'm hoping that was enjoyable. Er. Well, it's angst, but still. **

**Please review!!**


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